


Robbery Most Foul

by shadow_oblivion



Series: Afflictions and Absurdities [2]
Category: Villainous (Cartoon)
Genre: BH robs the bank, Black Hat is displeased, But not T rated, Canon-Typical Violence, Do not mock the old man, Gen, He has claws fangs and magic, It’s not like the old days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-19 09:36:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20329009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadow_oblivion/pseuds/shadow_oblivion
Summary: Black Hat decides that he can improve his mood with a good old-fashioned bank robbery.It does not go as expected.





	Robbery Most Foul

**Author's Note:**

> FYI I like to torment Flug, if that hasn’t been picked up on. He’s BH’s second favorite stress ball.

Black Hat languished in his office that morning in the foulest of moods. He hadn’t been this upset with the world around him since he’d taken in his employees. 

At least _they_ were fun to torment. 

But the thought of going to terrify one of them would do nothing to get rid of the stick in the mud sensation Black Hat was currently playing host to. It was a wretched, disgusting feeling and he wanted nothing more than for it to leave his person.

Black Hat needed a distraction. An outlet for this disgusting, unwanted morose feeling. He needed to dash this terrible mood so that he could continue on with his evil ways. 

The ancient being perked up as his eye fell on chart showing his finances for the month.

That was it!

He could go rob a bank. 

It had been ages since Black Hat had last graced the insides of a vault after terrifying the masses. 

With this in mind, Black Hat almost gleefully seized an old sack from out of mid air and cackled as he went to the door. He didn’t need his car for this. Black Hat would appear from the shadows in the middle of the largest bank he could find, and terrify those that were there into giving him their money. 

It was a diabolical plan. One that couldn’t possibly fail.

He was Black Hat.

He terrified the masses with a snap of his fingers and his mere presence.

Ten minutes later and Black Hat was leaning against a pillar in the bank, infuriated over the way police and heroes alike shouted at him to come out with his hands up.

Black Hat ground his fangs together in pure frustration. This was not something he pictured happening. Perhaps it was his own fault for not reinforcing the general public to fear him. He had been getting a little lazy about going out on these kinds of outings over the years, as he could order someone else to do so for him.

These foolish mortals didn’t fear him properly. 

Black Hat would rectify that this very instant. His eye began to glow red within a dark socket as his fangs began to run slick with saliva. Shadows engulfed the entirety of the bank, as tendrils, saws and other horrors began to manifest. 

A crazed look appeared in the ancient being’s eyes.

Black Hat would show these fools that they were wrong to not take him more seriously. 

With a loud screech that echoed all around, Black Hat took out the pillar with his claws, laughing nastily as it crushed the skull of someone unfortunate enough to not get out of the way fast enough. Black Hat slowly turned toward the heroes with a savage smile that twisted his lips and showed off the sharpness of his teeth. 

Bullets immediately began today fly at him, striking his body and riddling it with holes and his own green blood. Black Hat ignored the injuries as he gurgled and spat out blood, his smile sharpening viciously.

Now _this_ was much more fun.

Black Hat laughed manically as he threw heroes and police alike with shadowy tendrils, at times skewering them through their middles to watch them struggle before they expired with dying gasps. Black Hat pounced on a few of them as he raked long bloody scratches with his claws. As he let himself go a little more, Black Hat dug in deeper and deeper to the organs and wrenched them out with terrible snarl. 

A few unlucky souls found themselves in the path of his fangs, and Black Hat crushed windpipes and tore out bloody chunks from throats and necks. He sometimes ate these pieces and licked his fangs as he drooled excessively. With his eye glowing and blood staining his clothing as well as his lips and fangs, Black Hat looked completely unhinged.

”**_Pathetic_** **_worms_**.” He hissed, crushing a hero into the ground with a hand and snapping bones with a shadowy tendril via pummeling the hero.

It was over in a pathetically short amount of time.

Black Hat staggered over to the couunter, loooed and tilted his head to the side to stare at those who were frozen in place. In short order, a trembling employee opened up a vault and skittered away as Black Hat awkwardly walked toward it with his sack. Even bullets took some time for him to heal, even if it only made Black Hat walk funny for a few minutes. He left a trial of green blood behind him, mixing in with the red of heroes and police alike.

By the time Black Hat finished tucking all of the cash into a bag and tying off the top of it, he was more or less healed. Swinging the bulging bag of cash over a shoulder, Black Hat preened in the entryway of the vault. 

Ahh...now that was a way to-

A bullet struck him straight beneath his top hat, blood blossoming out from the shot and covering his good eye in green blood. The shock caused him to drop the bag with an affronted screech. 

How dare they.

Black Hat formed an eye on his cheek and sprung on the offender with a feral look on his face. The eldritch being opened his jaw wide and shrieked his fury into the face of the person who dared to shoot him in the head. Black Hat used both his claws and teeth to shred the man to pieces before he began to scoop up the bloody chunks and messily began to jam them down his gullet with a pleased slurping sound. 

The souls of those he had killed he took to savor at a later time.

Everyone that was still in the bank covered their eyes at the horrific feast Balck Hat had made for himself. And he didn’t stop at the man he had just savaged. He sloppily ate all of the others he had killed as well.

A few people had begun to cry pitifully while others fainted dead away at the gruesome sight. 

Black Hat licked his bloody lips and took the bullet out of his forehead with a fussy flick of his fingers. Black Hat swiped his tongue over his eye a few times, in order to clear it of blood so that he could properly see again. Then, the eldritch being picked up the sack of cash. Shouldering it again, Black Hat strutted out of the bank in his tattered, bullet-ridden clothing with his head held high.

The moment he was outside?

Black Hat began to take long, exaggerated tip-toed steps while he cackled gleefully as he made his ‘escape’ into a nearby alley.

-x-x-x-

Doctor Flug trembled just the faintest amount as he approached Black Hats office.

The scientist had screwed up. He’d fallen asleep in the middle of an important project and had ruined it completely. The invention would now have to be completely remade and Flug was not relishing the conversation that was to come with his boss.

Flug swallowed nervously as he knocked on the office door, before he opened it up and peered around the door anxiously. 

What he saw?

It made Flug hopeful that he had time to fix what had gone wrong. 

“Sir?” Flug asked in as quiet a voice as he could manage, not sure he should have stumbled upon..._this_.

Black Hat lie on the floor in the middle of his office, a large bag next to him that had money cascade out from it. It was in this money that Black Hat lie on, staring up at the ceiling with a blank look on his face.

”Black Hat...sir?” Flug let his voice become a little louder, only startling the faintest bit over the way his boss’ head snapped to face him.

”I’m a failure, Flug. I can’t even properly rob a bank any longer. It’s all over. I’ve lost my touch.”

Flug honestly didn’t know what to say to that. The best course of action was to remain silent. But even so, he eyed Black Hat’s terribly contorted neck warily.

“No, you’re right.” Black Hat’s whole body suddenly flopped to the side with a sickening crack to match the direction of his head. The older being acted as if Flug had said something to him. “Banks are more modernized. I merely have to do another dastardly deed to fix this.” 

Black Hat vanished from sight, leaving behind the money. 

Flug furtively looked one way and then the other. Satisfied that Black Hat was not returning straight away, the scientist began to frantically stuff wads of cash into his pockets. Once both pockets were bulging with cash, Flug fled from the office to go hide it, lest Black Hat notice the theft. 

Despute the terrible mood Black Hat was in, he did find out about the theft, and the moment he returned home, he scared the ever-loving shit out of Flug while the scientist was trying to hide the money.

Flug let out a high-pitched scream as Black Hat dragged him out of the room, cash flying everywhere. 

-x-x-x-

Hours later, Demencia found Black Hat seated by the fire, staring off into the distance with the look of a man who had seen too much in his very long existence. This would have been a little out of the ordinary had Black Hat not been slowly throttling a gasping, struggling Flug. The blood splattered all over the older being’s clothes seemed to indicate that something had happened.

”Hello handsome~.” Demencia greeted cheerfully. The lizard girl drew closer to watch the nerd suffer for whatever he’d done to anger their evil boss.

Black Hat gave a disinterested grunt but otherwise didn’t dissuade the hybrid from getting too close as he continued to slowly cut off Flug’s airway.

Demencia took this as an ok for her to get even closer than usual and she happily plopped herself down onto Black Hat’s lap.

Black Hat blinked at her, his rigid grip on Flug’s neck loosening a tad bit. 

The scientist sucked in a grateful breath of air.

“What happened? You’re covered in blood.” Demencia pouted. “Did you beat up some heroes? And you didn’t invite me to join you?”

”They laughed at me.” Black Hat uttered out, not looking at either Demencia or Flug. The eldritch sounded scandalized. “I was tying a woman I’d kidnapped to the railroad tracks. Some people who were nearby had the gall to mock me and inform me that it was an out of service rail line.”

”Oh, darling, I could have shown you which railroads still function. There are even some faster lines that would make things more exciting.” Demencia patted Balck Hat’s shoulder consolingly. 

“It doesn’t matter. I’m a laughing stock now. I can never show my face around a railroad again.” Black Hat bemoaned, squeezing Flug’s neck again and making him choke once more.

”But those people that laughed at you aren’t around anymore, right?” Demencia asked curiously. 

“I ate them.” Black Hat sighed.

Flug’s hands scrabbled at his boss’ hands. His efforts went ignored.

”Mm, I love it when you do that to people.” Demencia leaned into Black Hat’s bloody shoulder. “It’s so evil to watch the way your mouth unhinges and-“

”Even the kidnapped woman had the nerve to laugh at me.” Black Hat grumbled.

“Where? I’ll beat her black and blue for you.” Demencia gasped, looking furious. 

“Already ate her too.” Black Hat said with another heavy sigh. He gave Flug a little shake to stop the struggling, and as soon as the eldritch heard the unhappy whimper, continued to speak. “I think I may have indigestion.”

”Oh! I know how to help you!” Demencia said with an eager smile as she batted her eyelashes at her boss.

”Nothing will help. Nothing, apart from the darkness of eternal damnation. Soon, even that will be unable to soothe my troubles.” Black Hat lamented, as the room seemed to grow darker and bleaker. “Even this idiot struggling to cling to his pathetic life is becoming a bore.” Black Hat said of the scientist he was still tormenting.

Demencia couldn't stand seeing her evil boss so unlike his suave, dapper self, so she took it upon herself to give him a distraction to pull him out of his funk. Demencia would gladly accept the fallout of it, so long as it meant that Black Hat would be his old self again.

”What do you think you are d-“ Black Hat hissed at Demencia as she grasped either side of his head and turned it toward her. 

Demencia planted a big kiss on Black Hat’s cheek, and then produced the Black Hat puppet from within her hair. Meeting her boss’ stunned eye, she gave the puppet a deep, very thorough kiss. She figured that any likeness of Black Hat that was around, the ancient eldritch being was sure to sense and perhaps even feel.

”Mmm, I bet your actual mouth tastes even better.”

Black Hat was frozen in place, an eyebrow twitching, as if he were trying to make sense of what had just happened.

Demencia tossed the puppet aside and smacked her lips to her boss’, arms wrapping around Black Hat’s shoulders, happy over being able to sneak in an actual kiss while his guard was miraculously down. 

And using tongue?

Definetely as good as Demencia had always pictured it to be. A nice, hot mouth and a nice long tongue and-

Black Hat broke the kiss with a jerk of his head as he upended Demencia from his lap with a horrific screech. The eldritch gagged as he let go of Flug, dropped to the floor, and began to dry heave over the fire place as if Demencia had poisoned him. 

“Still breathing, nerd?” Demencia asked as she prodded the scientist sprawled out on the floor.

Flug let out a groan and lie still on his side as he took in breaths of mostly fresh air. 

Demencia didn’t stick around for long. She booked it out of the area the moment Black Hat finished hacking up worrying bits of saliva and unidentifiable chunks of the recently deceased.

Still drooling at the mouth at the disgusting display of affection, Black Hat dug his claws into his own mouth and shredded it into bloody pieces as if it that would rid himself of the taste of the hybrid’s tongue against his own. When Black Hat found his voice, it was hoarse from clawing the inside of his own mouth.

”_DEMENCIA_.”

The lizard girl crawled around throughout the mansion as she led Black Hat around on a merry chase, shadowy tendrils branching out to try and catch her as Demencia skillfully avoided capture.

For a time.

Black Hat was moody about the entire incident but by the end of it, he couldn’t deny that he felt a bit better than he had the day before. Eventually, he would find something to give his very long life meaning again.

For now?

He’d enjoy spreading evil around the world with the products and services of Black Hat Organization. 

“I’m glad you’re feeling better, handsome.” Demencia called out from where she was hanging upside down in a cage.

Flug was still lying on the floor somewhere nearby, playing dead, but his nervous breathing gave him away.

Black Hat hissed at the scientist, causing a flinch.

Good.

He still had it in him to cause fear in others. But then again, Black Hat’s employees knew exactly who and what he was.

A fanged grin stretched Black Hat’s face as he hunkered down to lie out on the cash he’d stolen earlier and moved from his office to the front of the fireplace. The eldritch being stretched out and closed his eye.

Yes, this setting would do quite nicely for the rest of the evening. Already, Black Hat was feeling much better. 

The newspaper the next day, however, ruined his good mood, as it highlighted both of his failures. 

Those involved would face his wrath.

Black Hat felt incredibly smug later that night with all of the chaos and mayhem he had caused.

That was a much better way to end the day.


End file.
